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Kathy Marshack News

Is It Really A Good Idea To Work With Your Spouse?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Working with your loved one can be very rewarding. As I have said often, “Who better to trust with your business than your spouse?” However, there is another side that should be looked at if you are considering the entrepreneurial couple life. It is important to think through this decision thoughtfully since whatever you decide will impact your marriage.

Here are some important things to consider:

WILL YOU HAVE TIME FOR ROMANCE? One of the major complaints I hear from practically all entrepreneurial couples is that they no longer have enough quality time together for romance and friendship.

CAN YOU HANDLE COMPETITION IN YOUR MARRIAGE? Another cause for stress with entrepreneurial couples is competition between them. This goes for other family members too. We have a strong need for recognition and approval from our spouses. We also have a strong need to feel like powerful, accomplished adults. But how do you feel about competing with your spouse? Who’s the boss? Who defers to whom? Can you gloat about an accomplishment when you just bested your spouse?

COULD YOU SUFFER FROM A LACK OF CREATIVITY? Many members of family enterprises complain that their world is small. In other words they don’t get out much, especially women. When you work with family members, the only feedback you get is from family and this can be limiting. Working separately enables each partner to learn about the outside world more.

WILL YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR YOURSELF? As important as it is to reconnect with your loved ones at least once a day, it is also important to have time to yourself. Seldom do I hear entrepreneurial couples complain that they have too much time with their spouses, but they do complain that they have no time to themselves.

My book Entrepreneurial Couples - Making it Work at Home and at Work, discusses the many pitfalls that entrepreneurial couples fall into and offers practical advice on how to deal with them. Or visit Couples at Work and Home on my website.

What about Children with an Asperger Parent?

Friday, July 09, 2010

I have written a lot about what it’s like being married to someone with Asperger Syndrome –  the many challenges you face daily. Now imagine what it’s like having a parent with Asperger Syndrome. This scenario is real and affects many children. So this leads us to wonder, what is life like for these children?

It is only realistic to expect that living with an Asperger parent will be a challenge. Many adults who were raised with an Aspie parent are now reporting severe depression and self-esteem problems because they lived with a parent who struggled to nurture them and get to know them. With a lack of warmth, tender affection, and communication, a child can feel emotionally rejected by their parent even though they may have all of their physical needs taken care of.

This is not to say that an Aspie parent does not love their child. That is far from the truth. But the communication and relationship deficits confuse the child and can lead to the child feeling unloved. Remember it is the child’s experience that defines the parenting, not whether the AS parent loves their child.

I am writing a new book entitled,  “Parenting with a Spouse or Partner with Asperger Syndrome: Out of Sight, Out of Mind." It addresses the unique issues that come up when you’re co-parenting with an Aspie partner. Click here to download a free sample chapter.

If you have a child who has an Aspie parent, I highly recommend seeking professional help from a mental health care specialist. For more information on Asperger Syndrome, visit Asperger Syndrome Frequently Asked Questions on my website.

Parents - Be Alert To Signs of Stress In Your Children

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Children and stress are two words that many never imagine go together, but unfortunately they do – especially now. According to a 2009 survey performed by American Psychological Association (APA), young ones between the ages of 8-17 years of age are dealing with stress. The sad thing is that this stress is often not being recognized by the parents.

One cause of stress is the family's financial situation. Parents, you may not realize it, but a child's eyes and ears are always open. They do hear about what is happening in the economy and they can easily recognize that it is stressing you out. They in turn bottle it up and begin to worry themselves.

The effect of stress on a young person can be evident by increasing headaches, difficulty sleeping, and change in appetite. Parents, I encourage you to be alert to these signs in your children. It is vital that if they are dealing with stress that they get proper help to cope. A mental health care professional will be able to assist you and your child deal with these issues. It’s also important to spend good quality time together as a family. Make the home a place of safety and security for your children and keep the lines of communication open.

Visit Managing Stress on my website for additional information.

Don't Let ADD Clutter Your Life

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Clutter and ADD go hand in hand. It can be real a challenge for someone with ADD to keep life organized. Hiding behind a cluttered room or desk is a survival skill to help cloak symptoms of ADD. had a great article, ADHD and Organization: Clear Clutter from Your Workspace. It listed 10 tips to help someone with ADD organize their office. Click here to read the article.

I think the same principles work for kids with ADD and their bedrooms. These tips may give parents a head start to help their children get organized which could help them into their adult life.

One thing that I highly recommend is to de-clutter in short intervals. With ADD comes the tendency to become overwhelmed very quickly. By taking a few minutes a day and only focusing on one task a day, the job of organizing won’t appear to be insurmountable – to you or your child. Over time, you will be clutter free.

Visit my website for more information on Adults with ADD and Parenting a Child with ADD.

Psychological Problems Linked to Second Hand Smoke

Saturday, June 26, 2010

In the past few years, a lot of attention was given to the physical side effects that second hand smoke (SHS) can have on a non-smoking individual. Heart disease, stroke, lung cancer, and asthma have been linked to SHS. Now attention is turning to the psychological effects of SHS.

According to new studies, SHS has been linked to psychological disorders as well as greater risk for psychiatric hospitalization in non-smokers. For a complete look at these studies, read the article Secondhand Smoke Linked to Psychiatric Illness, Hospitalization. The article mentioned that with increased smoking restrictions in public places, smoking is happening more often in the home environment. Studies also estimate that 60% of Americans are being exposed to SHS.

Now with the addition of psychological problems to already known physical problems, SHS is a serious problem! If you are a non-smoker, but have been exposed to SHS and are experiencing psychological problems such as anxiety or depression, I recommend seeing a mental health care professional. If you are currently a smoker, your life is in danger as well. Please visit the Stop Smoking section on my website for tips to overcome your addiction to cigarettes.

How to Support Friends who Live with Aspie Family Members

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Asperger Syndrome: Partner's & Family of Adults with ASD Support Group has been growing by leaps and bounds. Our meetings and Meetup page has become a place of comfort and support for those who have loved ones with ASD. So many times the focus is put on the one with ASD and with no support for their family, but that is now changing.

I recently received an post from a new member who joined to support her friend who is married to someone with ASD. Here is what she said, "Thank you for your welcome. I was happy to find this group as I was very much helped by your book, which I've passed on to my friends. They found it tremendously helpful. I am glad to find any discussion on these issues as those outside the situation find it pretty nigh impossible to understand the pain involved. I'm not married to an AS but my friend is."

The support group is not limited to those with family/partners of ASD, but also those who are friends to Neuro-typicals with Asperger partners. Many times the NT's feels like no one understands the pain that they are experiencing. This new member set a wonderful example of a supportive friend. I encourage anyone else in this situation to please join our support group meetings or Meetup page if you live outside of the Portland/Vancouver area.

My book Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge is available for purchase on my website or feel free to download the first chapter for free. This is also an excellent resource for friends to read to gain a greater appreciation for what their friends may be experiencing. Thank you to all of you who are taking the lead to help spread the word about Asperger Syndrome.

Entrepreneurs - Tips For Finding An Ideal Employee

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Finding the “ideal” employee can be challenging. As an entrepreneur, you have worked long and hard to make you business a success and whoever you add into the mix can either be for the good or for the bad. Here are a few tips to help you when you are looking to hire a new employee:

1. Ask yourself, have you ever had a terrific employee that you wish you could clone? If so, make a list of that employee’s qualities, from their actual work skills, to personality traits. As you examine the qualities of this ideal employee, you will open your mind to the traits you are looking for in your next hire. Develop a list of the qualities you need to fit your particular setting. From this list, begin drafting questions that will elicit from prospective employees whether they have these qualities.

2. Always use screening tools to search out personality traits, emotional problems and psychological issues that do not surface during an interview. It is probably best to use the services of a psychologist who is expert in interpreting these tests, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

3. Ask yourself if your workplace is attractive to the type of employee you want. Do you need to remodel to make the workplace more ergonomic? Is your management progressive? Are there other benefits and perks you can offer? Remember, a healthy, hardworking employee is looking for a good match in an employer too.

4. Realize that all employees have problems in their lives from time to time that will affect their work. After doing a thorough screening, and hiring the very best person for the job, make sure you have a back-up system to deal with problems as they emerge. For example, providing a child care allotment, or flexible scheduling, or some form of employee assistance plan, goes a long way in correcting stress in an employee’s life, so that they can solve life problems as quickly and effectively as possible.

Read more tips on being a successful manager when your run your own business on my website.

Link Between PTSD and Dementia

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is the term applied to psychological and emotional problems that develop as the result of experiencing any serious, traumatic event. Recent studies are focusing attention on the long-term effects of PTSD and have found a link between PTSD and dementia.

The study focused on war veterans. Out of 180,000 veterans, 53,155 had been diagnosed with PTSD. Over a 7 year period, 17.2 percent developed dementia. The reason for the greater risk of dementia may be due to the chronic stress of PTSD. That type of stress could cause damage to an area of the brain which is critical for memory and/or affect the neurotransmitters. For more on this study, read the article PTSD Nearly Doubles Risk of Dementia.

You don't have to be a veteran to be affected by PTSD. If you feel like you do have PTSD, I highly recommend speaking to a mental health care professional. Without treatment, the problem intensifies over the years – causing greater and greater distress. Fortunately, PTSD is very responsive to a variety of psychotherapies. In individual therapy, the survivor can learn a new perspective on the past. With the gentle support of an experienced psychotherapist, you will find new and healthier ways to put old memories to rest. Please visit the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder page on my website for symptoms of PTSD and therapy recommendations. 

Can You Forgive Your Asperger Partner?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

In a relationship, forgiveness is one of the keys to success. When you are in a relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome, whether they are a partner or family member, forgiveness is a struggle. Even though you may have a forgiving nature, somehow forgiving our AS adults may not feel healing. There is still something missing.

In May, I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring speak at the Oregon Psychological Association meeting. She brought up an interesting point about the issue of forgiveness stating that there cannot be genuine forgiveness in a relationship unless there is full cooperation of the "offending" party. You can come to some acceptance and that is healing for you but there is still that hole that can only be filled when both parties process the hurt.

Dr. Abrahms Spring wrote a fantastic book entitled, How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive and the Freedom to Not. I highly recommend reading it especially if forgiveness is an issue in your life.

On June 19th, our Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD, held in Portland, Oregon, will be discussing this very troubling concept of reclaiming our lives when there is no apology, no empathic request for forgiveness, no acceptance of our offers of apology and no connecting over the shared hurt. There are answers and in our group sharing we will discover them. Visit our Meetup page for more information.

New Study Finds Pesticides Linked to ADD

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Researchers at the University of Montreal recently found a link between ADD/ADHD and organophosphate pesticides. Organophosphate pesticides can be found on food with high levels of pesticides. Organophosphate poisoning can be detected by analyzing urine samples.

1139 children were tested for organophosphate and 94% came back with levels found in their urine. Out of the 1,139 children, 119 had previously been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Having higher levels of organophosphate may increase chances of ADD.

Dr. Maryse F. Bouchard from Department of Environmental and Occupational Health, University of Montreal commented on the study by stating, "It is very well established that organophosphates disrupt brain neurochemical activity. In particular, organophosphates disrupt the activity of acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter also implicated in ADHD. In addition, certain organophosphates affect growth factors, several neurotransmitter systems, and second messenger systems. These changes in brain activity could well result in ADHD-like symptoms."

She also concluded, "This is the first study to link exposure to pesticides at levels common in the general population with adverse health effects. These findings should be replicated before strong conclusion can be made." To read more about this study, I recommend reading the article, Organophosphate Pesticides Linked to ADHD.

Learn more about ADD/ADHD, including practical tips on my website.

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