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A Sliver in my Mind:
Loving Those with Asperger Syndrome
Sample Chapters
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Chapter 1 and Chapter 5 of Dr. Marshack's book are provided below for your review. Please follow the links at the end of each excerpt to read the complete chapter. We provide both an HTML version and an easy to print PDF file.
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Excerpt of Chapter 1: Patience is Not Enough
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It must be in the details
After a month, I now know enough about Helen to realize that she needs to tell me her stories at length. So I don’t interrupt her anymore. I let her talk. The content of her life experiences are not as important to Helen as the littlest detail. There is something in those details that holds a key for Helen. Learning about her through her stories is like reading a mystery novel. Layer after layer of nuance and thread after thread of subplot is woven together and leads the listener deeper into Helen’s world of loneliness and despair.
In spite of an ostensibly successful career and marriage, Helen sought me out for psychotherapy because she feels empty and disconnected from life. Perhaps a mid-life crisis? She is forty something, with shoulder length blonde hair and watery gray-blue eyes. She obviously appreciates her tall stature and slender body, since she dresses in stylish professional attire. Helen is attractive even in her forties. When Helen walks into the room, she is noticed. She has a powerful presence so it is a mystery to me that she feels so depressed and unfulfilled.
Others describe Helen as an assertive, articulate, and talented professional. And there is no doubt she is a caring and devoted wife and mother. But as Helen weaves her stories of life with her husband and children, there is something she is trying to tell me but can’t quite put her finger on. She often refers to it as “the sliver in my mind,” as if releasing the sliver will free her of the confusion and suffering she feels.
I recognize that Helen’s home life is odd. Her husband, Grant, seems a bit eccentric and immature, but I can’t quite put my finger on the problem either. Like Helen I am worrying a splinter in my own mind also. I want to help her but so far I don’t know how, except to listen. I want to understand what stands in the way of a meaningful life for Helen. It must be in the details. Read on.... (Download the PDF for FREE!!)
Chapter 5
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No Expression on His Face
Norman sat very quietly, not a muscle moving, no expression on his face.
He seemed to be listening but I couldn’t tell what he comprehended. I have seen
this look before (the sliver . . . ). Not a hint of what is going on in his mind
because there is no acknowledgement of what you are saying. No smile. No nod
of understanding. Not even a sign of disagreement. Just listening and watching.
Cops and Judges train themselves to look this way. They try to be neutral,
impartial, without judgment. But even the cops and judges give themselves
away. The color changes in their faces. They squirm a bit. They look a bit more
grim when they try to keep from conveying meaning. Norman’s look is slightly
different. It’s just blank, like he is totally unaware that you are searching his face
for meaning and connection.
Normal conversation is like a dance. From the moment she looks at him,
he recognizes that look. He moves from his seat and walks toward her. She
raises her eyes to his and starts to stand up. Not a word is spoken before he
reaches for her hand and helps her stand the rest of the way. “Would you like to
dance?” She nods, takes his hand firmly and follows him to the dance floor. She
smiles. He smiles. He touches her waist ever so slightly and she moves in the
direction of the pressure of his hand. She leans near him and he drops his
shoulder close to her cheek. She laughs softly and he breathes in the smell of
her hair.
Conversation between people is just like that. Subtle expressions convey
thousands of unspoken words. To be sure there are many misunderstandings
too, as a result of “reading” the wrong meaning into a gesture or a blush but even
the act of “reading” another person is a meaningful connection between people.
It is unnerving talking with Norman. He makes no attempt to offer these
gestures, these non verbal cues that send the message that he is with you,
listening, comprehending . . . connecting with you. I look into his eyes and see
nothing. I scan his face for some hint of recognition and again come up empty.
Unnerving, unsettling, those are the words that describe my feelings.
Norman doesn’t give the dancer a signal about what to do next in the
dance. Yet I do not sense that he is deliberately holding back. He is just
unaware of my need for interpersonal feedback. I watch Miranda, his wife, and
she is easy to read. She is annoyed with Norman. She breathes a great, heavy
sigh, rolls her eyes and turns toward me. She senses that I am connecting with
her so it is easier to talk with me than with Norman.
“I don’t know why I bother. He’s a good man, but he is always like that.”
She points in his direction. After three sessions with Norman and Miranda, I know
what she means but I ask the question anyway. Read on.... (Download the PDF for FREE!!)
If you are interested in ordering your own copy of "A SLIVER IN MY MIND: Loving Those with Asperger Syndrome", please send an email to info@kmarshack.com with your contact information (name, email and/or mailing address). We will contact as soon as the book becomes available.
Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.
Licensed Psychologist & Family/Business Consultant
PO Box 873429
Vancouver, WA 98687-3429
(360)256-0448
info@kmarshack.com
